Mmmm....Painkillers.....

Well, I've now learned one of the most important lessons of riding - a Pony of Grayness (my scooter, one of the old 120cc Marvels. It's not quite a Steed of Darkness, so...yeah) isn't exactly the best thing to pull tight turns in. Yes, the Pony's fine, thanks very much for caring, oh non-existent audience of mine. I managed to get away with nothing more than a few bruises and scrapes, so I guess I should be thankful...

Now that I'm done whining, I've got nothing to say. Dammit, I hate it when this happens.

Colorblind

Prussian Blue.

For those of you fortunate enough to not know who they are, I’ll give you the rundown. Essentially, they’re a couple of preteen white blondie twins (no, not the Olsons) named “Lamb” and “Lynx” who call themselves a “White Pride Group”. Their website calls them the “guiding light of a new generation”.

Yes, Lamb and Lynx. No, I’m not kidding. Wish I were, but I’m not. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve got nothing against being proud of your race or naming your kids whatever you want. I mean, I get Sunshine. I get Leaf. I even get Flaming Pile of Pus. But Lamb and Lynx? Were their parents high when they were naming them? Wait, forget I asked; I know they were. They had to be. Why else would they name one kid after food/clothing, and another after an old program/handheld by Atari?

As for the white pride thing… Girls, you wanna help inspire pride in white people by singing? Here’s some free advice: don’t. You’ve got nothing new/interesting to sell. Wait a couple years until your boobs fill out, and then you can at least try to get people to listen to you - with videos filled with gratuitous T&A. Hell, it worked for Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan didn’t it?

I actually went to the extent of picking up some of their (Prussian Blue’s) music and listening to it. Sad, but true. What really pisses me off, is not that they’re neo-Nazis (and pretty pathetic ones at that); it’s not that their granddad apparently loves Nazi memorabilia and plasters it everywhere; it’s not even that their mom (”April Gaede”) is a nutty cracker supremacist who makes the KKK look passé in terms of her brainwashing ability (with regard to her daughters, I mean); no, what really gets under my skin is none of that; it’s that, simply put, their music SUCKS!

I’m not talking sucky as in sort-of sucky. I’m talking sucky as in MEGA sucky. It’s just two scratchy voices mumbling the same incoherent phrases again and again, with some basic acoustic guitaring in the back! If you’re going to be the “guiding light of a new generation”, at least do it right, girls! Of course, the music industry being what it is today, these girls are probably going to end up with a contract with a major recording company (good riddance, they’re giving indie labels a bad name), have their videos edited so that they look older (gotta target the MTV demographic), become crack addicts and die of overdose at the ripe old age of 15 after releasing one album that goes nowhere.

Or so I hope.

I recall reading on the comments section of some blog that was parodying them – can’t remember which one – that they if/when they come up with a music video, they ought to do it standing behind a fully pimped out Panzer with like, gold everything and fur upholstery. Be that as it may, but like I said, not for a few more years, and NOT until I get some gratuitous T&A with it.

Moving on, I now direct your attention to their name. “Prussian Blue”? Sounds like a rip of Peruvian Blue (old slang for cocaine, now usually “Peruvian Lady”. or so I hear. not that I'd know. also a new band). They remind me of the Teletubbies; the only people who’d like them are people who have no clue what they’re saying/doing, or stoners who’re really, really high. The latter is pretty much the same as the former, but you get my point. I’ve listened to some of their music (a lot of it’s supposedly in German), and I have to say, Hitler really should’ve thought of using preteen white chicks with crappy music as advertising. The following are some quotes (verbatim, including any errors) of some fan mail from their website:

To be honest-I kinda agree with you girls… I mean I think it’s cool that god made us different& that we are different, but if we keep getting races mixed, we will have no idea who we are-and it will be a big BLOB of black, white, Asian, etc. I really don’t want that to happen. And I hope you girls do great on your music-because people need to know that we can’t end up as a big pile of un-known blob, and that we need to keep races un-mixed. I wish you girls much luck, & maybe people can see that you girls aren’t mean. And also, thank you for writing back! Now I know the truth-and NOT a lie. TV shouldn’t say lies about you girls, but I guess that’s what TV does… Well, good luck, thank you,& GOOD LUCK!!! : ) -Jenny-

and

Hi Prussian blue, I think you girls are awesome! I am white blonde like you, but I cant sing as good. I think its great that you girls wanna preserve our race :-) love Kelly

also

Dear Prussian Blue, I first read about you girls in a magazine some time ago, and I decided to visit your website. I’ve listened to some of the sample songs and I think they a wonderful. You are very talented and you WILL go far! I think your beliefs about preserving the White race are very important and special. And the more people you can get to understand that, the better. It is true that many white girls are getting black boyfriends, and I just don’t think that this is right. The reason we started off in our own countries, is so that our races would be separate and free to do our own things. Now, we have all been mixed into one, and the is no definite sense of “belonging” to one particular group. I was just wondering, (if it’s not being too nosy), did/do you have any black friends or mix with other races? Sorry, if this is a blunt question! Thank you, Jenny

What’s wrong with mixing with people of other races? What’s wrong with multiculturalism? I don’t know, but these girls sure seem to. While I believe that everyone is free to their own POV, I’ve never quite understood this one or ones like it. Belonging to a particular race? Way I see it, that’s just a waste of time, effort, and indicative of a lack of maturity. You can’t really help what race you’re born into, and whatever race you were born into has precious little effect on your mental constitution or lack thereof.

So why is it a matter of pride or shame to claim your genetic makeup? And since when was it against heterogenous-ness (if that’s even a word) to mix it up a little? Way I see it, you’re actually breaking the homogenous-ness (again with the word thing) by not keeping everything the same. Change is, after all, a cornerstone of life; you either change and adapt, or you wither and die. While the circumstances here are not nearly so serious as most in life, it’s a pretty accurate parallel with regard to the issue of racial mixing.

Seriously though, a couple of 13 year olds saying that they think races shouldn’t be mixed or we’ll all become homogenous blobs, and actually have people listening to them or caring? Like I said above, Hitler didn’t know what he was missing…

(for the record, uncyclopedia is awesome)

Of Toilets and Relativity

I hate religious ceremonies. Especially Hindu ones.

Those of you who’ve read my previous post on “the functions” doubtless understand, or at least know of, my stand on them. So it should come as no surprise that upon being informed that my house, my bastion, my base of operations, was going to be the site of a ritual of said type, I was pretty freaked out and scared. Freaked out because my very own sanctuary was about to be violated, and scared because, well, this wasn’t just going to be another one of those local ceremonies - oh no, the relatives were coming in.

The relatives.

A lot of you are probably wondering why this had me bugging out, so I’ll explain. When I say “the relatives”, i don’t just mean a few aunts and uncles, I mean something more along the lines of aunts, uncles, cousins, INCLUDING the most god-awfully distant ones. Not that I have anything against them, really, it’s more that me and most of the rest of my family exist along different planes of existence. Not higher or lower, better or worse, just really, really, REALLY different. This means, of course, that I end up spending ever-greater amounts of time in holed out in my room, hoping to escape this storm relatively unscathed(pun unintended). I mean, I’ve got nothing to talk about with them; no one’s fault, it’s just a fact.

The guest bedroom and mine share a common bathroom, which would explain the next bit.

One of the scarier parts is that most of the lot, through no fault of their own, of course, don’t seem to be have quite grasped the concept of the standard western-style toilet(update 7/5/07: this link doesn't seem to work anymore. sure you know what i'm talking about, though.) or it’s usage (they’re used to the standard indian), or aren’t quite comfortable (again, I can’t really blame them) with the idea of toilet paper. What this means is that my toilet seat is perpetually covered with water and dirty footprints, which are a hassle to clean and make it more than a little uncomfy to sit down on when the call must be answered. Also, all the toilet paper I’ve set out for those who wish to use it gets drenched by the, ah, water used for, um, washing, so I can’t really go until it’s dry. An aside, anyone who wants to restart the “wash or wipe” conversation, well, don’t. I’ve had my fill of it. Also, I occasionally end up losing my room for a few days so that the guests can use it. It wouldn’t be a problem normally, it’s simply that my mom “cleans” up my room, which, of course, upsets the delicate and precise arrangements of a teenagers living space. That, and my bed is always made. It’s just not right…

Of late, I’ve often wondered if Einstein was a whole hell of a lot smarter than we give him credit for. Consider, if you will, the impact of his theory of relativity on, well, relatives. After long hours of research (alright, a few seconds of eating cookies), I’ve managed to come up with a slightly modified version of his stuff, complete with some pseudo-equations. “There is no such thing as absolute boredom and frustration. The degree of boredom and frustration you face is relative to how many relatives you have over, how much other stuff you can’t do because of it, and how strong the social obligation that prevents you from doing said stuff is’.” That is,

e = µN^2,

where e = boredom and frustration in terms of energy(joules), N = number of relatives, and µ = amount of stuff (i.e., number of items) you want to but can’t do because of it into strength of social obligation (on a scale of 1-10).

Yes, I just pulled all of that out of my ass. But it does make an eerie kind of sense to me. Even if the only thing I want to do but can’t do is sleep all day.

But all this makes it harder to go down for meals. Which, sadly enough, are still a necessity. It’s not that their company is so unbearable, it’s just that questions I’d rather not answer are asked. And the sight of a guy eating cereal for breakfast instead of a dosa or idlis raises even more “pointed” questions about nutrition and my “american ways”, long-winded dissertations on doing as the Romans do while in Rome, and so on and so forth. I guess they’re just traditional, and I wouldn’t mind so long as I didn’t have to recieve lectures about it. To be honest though, the number of lectures I get has come down a lot now, but I used to get a lot back when I first came here. Oh, and before I forget, the standard-issue hassle I get with guests is present as well - my bathroom is always steamed up and out of hot water by the time I wake up.

An anonymous bachelor pad is starting to look ever more enticing…

Piracy - Crime or Last Resort?

The entertainment industry, it seems, is very interested in preventing piracy. So interested, in fact, that the RIAA/MPAA recently filed suit against an 83 year old grandmother. Who’d been dead for 6 months. Not to be left behind, their Indian parallels are busy getting raids on video rental stores organized, carrying out rallies, and (not just the Indian lot, this one) creating copy protections of greater and greater complexity, all in the name of “protecting their IP rights”.

According to them, the losses that piracy is causing them are too large to be accurately calculated, and could have apocalyptic effects on their (already questionable) abilities to produce quality content. So, apparently, the only way to stop this is by treating the consumer (who, incidentally, is the guy paying their bills) as a necessary evil – to be given stuff under strict contracts he can’t usually understand, and suing him for a million dollars every time he uses stuff HE paid for as he sees fit.

It is, as far as I’m concerned, an exercise in both absurdity and futility. Barring the fact that virtually no one will buy the crap the entertainment industry is coming out with at the prices they’re charging, where’ll they be left if they sue every customer who “misuses” their stuff? Knowingly or not, thanks to their crazy “contracts”, that’s just about every customer they have.

Obviously, I’m not exactly a huge fan of the entertainment industry, but I try to buy originals whenever possible. If I really like a game/movie/song I’ve bootlegged, I often buy it. But that doesn’t mean that I’ll buy everything, only to regret it later because it sucked/broke and I can’t get a refund/replacement.

Back to the prices. Six years ago, an English movie cost about Rs.600. A good empty CD costed about Rs.80 back then. Today, the same empty disc costs around Rs.10, while the movie still costs around Rs.600. If they’re so interested in preventing piracy, why not pay forward the cuts to the consumers? I mean, why not reduce the price of the finished product as the cost of the factors of production go down?

Six years ago, the costs of a good CD burner and some blank CDs were prohibitive in the extreme. Today, however, it’s almost the exact opposite. Not only are computer peripherals cheaper than ever, but it’s even possible to download large movies in a few hours. With all this going for them, why would said movie still cost as much as it did six years ago? I say it’s because they’re greedy b*stards, but you’re free to make up your own mind.

They (the entertainment industry) say that they’re losing money because of piracy. I say they’re losing money because they come out with crappy content, overcharge, and treat their customers like dirt. They say that they’re losing customers to the appeal of free content. Apparently, every customer who picks up bootleg content is another customer lost.

But what if said “customer” wasn’t going to buy the stuff anyway? These days, who will? You’re not allowed to make backups, you don’t get refunds or replacements if the CD/DVD breaks/gets scratched, heck, you can’t even (legally) lend it to a friend! Nope, you’re expected to just plop it into your player/pc and listen to/watch/play it. The makers aren’t even responsible if it messes up your player/pc.

If the film industry says they’re going to make less money by charging less, they can give their actors a pay cut for all I care. They won’t really lose much, and it’d be better than laying off a couple dozen other employees. Employees who haven’t got another studio to work for, or advertising/promotion gigs to fall back on, or even a second home in Switzerland where they can mope about their sorrows with kindred spirits.

What they don’t understand, as Wit put it, is that unlike the retail business, these boys don’t have a brand name to hardsell. People might say that they “love Reebok”, but to the best of my knowledge,
has anyone ever said “I love 20^th Century Fox”? Does anyone buy only Paramount movies like they do Colgate(toothpaste, not movies, wiseguy), or do they swear by Universal as they do Logitech? It just ain’t gonna happen.

As far as I’m concerned, piracy is just customers sticking up for their rights, and getting what they want the best way they can get it. In many cases, it’s the customer’s last resort, due to the unjustifiable prices of content. After all, if the service is good, the content worth the price, and the end user allowed to use stuff he’s paid for the way he wants to, why would anyone bother with piracy? Sure, it’d be free, but then you wouldn’t get the kind of support you’d get if you actually bought the stuff. That, in my opinion is what the entertainment industry should focus on – improving quality and boosting their image, not suing the people who’re paying for their summer houses.

The sooner these people realize that their audience isn’t made of a bunch of idiots who’re willing to get fleeced, the sooner “piracy” will stop.

- Edit -

While this article was originally posted on blogchaat, I thought I may as well repost it here, since I'm a little short on content and time right now. However, I do recognize that "reasonable pricing" is relative, and that movie/music studios do deserve compensation for their work, which does cost a lot, and that entertainment isn't a basic necessity of life. It's more the arrogant and uppity attitudes these boys have towards their customers that pisses me off. After all, why should the consumer be prevented from making a backup of a game/movie because he/she has kids who would damage the original? If they don't like that idea, then they should be prepared to issue replacements for broken products. Pretty impractical, maybe, but if they don't like it, let the consumers make their copies. Also, I dislike the way they stop people from editing their stuff - I fully support the open-source initiative, and think that letting people tailor the software to their desires is the best way to improve quality. When you get down to it, I side with IPac. That's about it for now, you may return to your regularly scheduled programs.

Heeeeeere's...

Nothing yet, but stay tuned for updates. Which will take place. Eventually.

About Me

"Shiny Butter Knife". What, exactly, does this mean? Besides the literal, of course. This is the question this page may or may not end up answering, depending upon whether or not the sum of the third function of the Sequence of Klarnextrozalthromengorteakaminipuzzayonoxxolpreezian numericals over the square root of the cube of the 95737679342nd integer combination of the Nasdaq indexes (exactly 31 years, 94 days, 42 minutes, and 47.5436 seconds ago) and the nth root of pi, where pi is a function of mathematical indifference over the state of affairs in a certain cheeseburger which is currently in a microwave, is equal to the number of hairs on a Klarglalian's backside when he's infested with Lice. Since that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, let's pretend that this page can indeed do so, and torture some forks. No? Oh well.

Shiny Butter Knife is not, as some suspect, a name; nor is it, as others suspect, a reference to the state of a piece of cutlery. It is the title bestowed upon the most skilled wielder of the Shiniest Butter Knife, created by the Lice (who play a neutral role in the ongoing Mice-Penguin conflict) in order to facilitate the gathering of intelligence regarding the aforementioned conflict, as well as investigating certain other mysteries. Though that should answer the question, the author of this piece feels the need to go on a little (*coughyeahrightcough*) more.

ORIGINS:

Shiny Butter Knife was conceived in an alien spaceship travelling past Uranus (*snicker*) through hyperspace, and was born in orbit over Klarglan 7. The Klarglalians had abducted his progenitors, performed strange experiments on them, and used tissue samples to create the perfect pasta, which would later become the cutlery set which would then become the baby which would later become Shiny Butter Knife (but is still, according to most who know him, a baby). He was returned to Earth after the hapless Klarglalians realized that left unchecked, his dirty diapers would overwhelm their waste management facilities, leading to large-scale epidemics and flooding. The Klarglalians, it is to be noted, no longer travel through this region of space.

Upon his safe return, the earth gave a rather mild sneeze, the heavens tabled a motion to consider raining frogs, and a rather elderly gentleman in front of a urinal in a bar in London missed and hit his shoe.

THE SLICED SCOOP ON SBK:

Shiny Butter Knife's many interests happen to span the incredibly diverse and varied range of sleeping, reading, gaming, and eating, though not in that order. Due to Klarglalian interference in his genetic structure, he is often incapable of coherent thought. This, however, has never slowed his considerable intellect, which remains as devoted as ever to such pressing issues as "boxers or boxer-briefs?", "Batman vs. Boba Fett", and (most importantly) "Are those real?".

THE REALLY SLICED SCOOP:

SBK has recently been released from his contract with the Lice, and has begun to compose a brilliant piece of space opera which is sure to revolutionize the world as we know it. Just as soon as the crazy space monkeys get off their ridiculous strike (over some strange concept called "wayjiz"), it is sure to be completed.

Shiny Butter Knife currently heads the investigative powerhouse known as "Butter Knives Outcorporated", and serves as Chief Slacker-in-Office. He is widely regarded as "that one dude over there who did that thing that one time", and has often been described as "random" and "very fond of barbecued chicken". He also has a tendency rearrange things, make no sense, stop abruptly, and go on and on and on and on and on and on and o-

THE IRRELEVANT UNSCOOPED SLICE:

"If you're stupid enough to try to cut a steak with a butter knife, you deserve what you get - namely, electroshock therapy."