Spoils to the Taker

This happens to be one of my favorite short films. Definitely worth a watch.

As I flicked through the comments (the comments on both Engadget and YouTube are always worth a read, if only for the entertainment value), I noticed that the usual flame war was (not uncommonly) about America. Some loved it, some hated it, and you can definitely bother to read it yourself. Lazy bums, the lot of ya.

I've come across a lot of those arguments over the past few years. And I've always tried to be as neutral as possible. Now, since I have nothing better to do (okay, that's a lie, but forget about it), I figured I'd chip in with my two cents here.

(And if you don't like it, push off. No one likes you anyway. Go read whatever you like to read that agrees with your views, and dance around a fire in your grandmother's panties rubbing peanut butter over yourself for all I care.)



If there's one thing I've noticed, it's that Americans are often stereotyped as fat, lazy, ignorant slobs. And remember, I'm speaking of my experiences. Maybe where you're from, Americans are stereotyped as massive worm-like creatures who live in deep space and feed off heavy metals and ride solar currents. I don't care. This isn't about those stereotypes. This is about these ones. Anyhow.

Americans stereotyped as fat stupid white couch potatoes. Right. Well, I've noticed how these same people always get all peeved when they hear about Americans stereotyping them (say, Indians) as a race of brown people who all talk like Apu or Ashok, and run convenience stores or steal "American jobs", and charm snakes in their underwear. They say, "But we're so much more! Not all of us Chinese people are martial artists, not everyone who wears a turban has a bomb, not all of us Muslims are terrorists", and seem very indignant about it. We all remember the Danish cartoon incident - while there were other factors in play, one of them was the stereotyping of Muslims as bomb-carriers.

But what of those who stereotype all Americans as lazy, ignorant, obese white slobs, who can only sit in front of the TV like brain-dead morons? That, of course, is not stereotyping, they say - it's true! Isn't that what everyone says? "They have no right to stereotype me, but I have a right to brand them - after all, my perceptions are soo much clearer and better than absolutely everyone else's. I'm special!". Like special ed, maybe.

Isn't it hypocritical to want "them" to stop stereotyping "us", when we can't do it ourselves? Isn't it hypocritical to say "We're not all snake-charmers, but 'we' are all smarter than 'them'"? Plenty of people are willing to accept those stereotypes that suit them, and then turn around and cry foul when others choose ones that are not-so-flattering. "We Indians are genetically more capable at math and science." - IMO, that's a load of bull. Then again, it might not be. But that's not the point.

Then, of course, there are the standard accusations of American meddling and hypocrisy. I cannot count the number of times people have said "America has no right to do this or that and everything going wrong in the world is their fault!". In fact, it's become something of a fad over here - being anti-American and denouncing America (and Dubya) have become the "in" thing to do. It's become a sort of mantra, "They only went for the oil". People who know less about international affairs than my dogs have suddenly become brilliant and informed commentators, by virtue of their ability to spew bile at anything American.

Well, they can do it, and so they are. Every country, bar none does whatever it can to get ahead. India blocks Pakistan wherever it can (ARF, anyone?); China's trying to get ahead in Africa; Israel, those little tinpot dictatorships, everyone - they all do whatever they can to get ahead. No nation is in the business of international charity, not to the best of my knowledge, at least. Why should the USA be any different? Why should people expect them to do anything but lie and cheat and steal and do whatever is necessary to maintain their superiority? No one gave them the right; they took the right. A right that is given is about as useful as a virtue that is given. Can you imagine how ridiculous that would be? "I hereby bestow upon thee the virtue of honesty" - would anyone take something like that seriously? On the other hand..."I am an honest person. I always stay honest", and "I'm standing up for my right to freedom of speech" - those make more sense to me. Virtues are performed, just as rights are used. They are meaningless otherwise.

I'm not defending the decisions or actions of the Bush administration, or any other American government. All I'm saying is that they never signed up for international charity. Yeah, they claimed it was all in the world's best interest. So what? People lie when they have to, to get what they want/need. Why should a country be any different? Is any country any different? They're under no obligation to help the world. A government's first and foremost responsibility is to it's people. I get people dissing on Bush for messing his own country up - I don't get uninvolved people dissing on America for getting involved with someone else.

There are those who've gone on about Americans supposedly "overreacting" to 9/11. The ones who passionately rant and rave about the "millions dead and displaced in the Kashmir valley because of Pakistan, and when India went to the UN, they didn't authorise any action, so India didn't act. America is a pansy country! They invaded another nation after only 3000 people died!". I'm not joking. I have actually heard people say this. Perhaps it's just me, but I think that's a rather stupid line to take.

The UN didn't "authorise" any action - the US took the initiative. They not-so-politely told everybody who disagreed to fuck off, and went ahead and did what they felt had to be done. I'm not condoning vigilante actions of any sort (nor am I condemning them), or saying that it's a good thing to do what you feel like doing against international orders (or whatever), but the fact remains that that's what happened. Anyone who complains about a US hegemony? Damn right there's a US hegemony. Just like there'd be a Chinese one if China were in America's shoes, a Pakistani one were Pakistan in those shoes, or even an Indian one were India in those size 11's. America is obviously going to work towards a "new American century"; somehow, I find it very unlikely they'd work towards a Chinese or Lebanese century, don't you think?

Some feel that the US has to follow through on what it says publicly, and do the needful to completely halt terrorism everywhere, but they don't - their prime, if only, responsibility is their own interests, and nobody else's. Just like everybody else. The USA isn't obliged to do anything, period. They do what they want to do, as long as they can get away with it. India isn't obliged to block Pakistan's entry into the ARF over the otherwise-unanimous agreement of the other partners, just as Pakistan isn't obliged to be such an ass to India. But they do, because it helps them get ahead. Why is that such a hard concept for people to understand? Yes, so they may have gone to Iraq with ulterior motives - so what?

Ever notice how everyone says it's alright for them to do whatever they want to, while simultaneously denouncing everyone else for doing the exact same thing? Like how it's alright for me to rant and rave, yet I call Pat Robertson a retarded asswipe when he does? Probably not the best example to take, but yeah. You get the idea.

It seems to me that the real problem is that nobody ever stops to think about the other guy's POV. It's rare that anyone says "Well, darn it, I think I'm right, and he thinks he's right - now what makes me so much better than him that I'm "actually" right and he isn't?". Nope. Nobody does that. People seldom stop and study a situation dispassionately.

Oh well. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions, informed or otherwise. It's just that it's often a lot nicer when they're not just imitating the current fad. Because really, it's rather pathetic (not to mention tiring) to hear stuff like "I hate America - ooh! Jesse McCartney is, like, so totally hot!!!! Ohmigosh! Big Bazaar sells Abercrombie & Fitch!!!!!!!!", or "Fuck Americ- oh, dude, did you check out the new 50 Cent album? It is so dope, man!" all the time.

The sad thing is, there's no real end to these issues. Hypocrisy and following the latest fad will nearly always (if not always) be more popular than unbiased study. They're easier. And most people, myself included, prefer the easy way out. And it's usually (if not always) easier to say that the other guy is an idiot with no taste than it is to take the trouble to get what he's saying and see things from his perspective. More's the pity, I guess.

(update 10/03/07: came across this interesting article. worth a read, imo.)

Orkut. Must. Die.

PR0NZ IS YUMMY!!!111
Now that that bit of stupidity is done with, on with the show.


Orkut is ghey, and may Jerry Falwell's rotting corpse butt-rape those of you who disagree.

I'm not messing around here. I can and will personally set Zombie Jerry and his insatiable "newly-perverted-by-being-a-zombie" sexual appetite upon those of you who disagree.

Strong statement, yes, but I've my reasons. A whole list, in fact. The "scrapbook" and it's usage being high on said list.

People often use the scrapbook feature as if it was an IM client, and go on messaging someone like it's a private conversation. Newsflash, asswipes: IT ISN'T. Anything you're "scrapping" a guy can and often will be read by anyone with the interest or without a life*. That covers most of Orkut's (and, incidentally, Myspace's) user base, as I've understood it.

I don't like the layout either. Not that there's anything wrong with crappy layouts, but I really think that they could've at least pulled a Myspace and let users make their own. Instead, we are treated to a light-ish blue-and-purple monstrosity, where the "cool" (and often "modest" as well) tend to use ASCII art and SMS-ese. SMS-ese (lik dis) is alright, I suppose, when you're actually SMS-ing someone, or when there's a low character limit.

And not everyone is capable of typing in coherent sentences. "wer wer u yst??////" is alright, I guess...if you're a retarded butt-monkey with brain damage. In Siberia. And everyone around was illiterate and spoke no language that even remotely resembled English. But otherwise, it's plain stupid.

Speaking of plain stupid, so're people who talk themselves up on Orkut. If I hear someone say "hi im kwel fun luvn gal who luvs 2 frk out wid ma frndz" ONE MORE TIME...suffice to say, it's not gonna be pretty. Like Anne Coulter, who is also not pretty, but on a whole 'nother scale of horrendous hideousness. Back to the topic.

People who talk themselves up on Orkut are a pet peeve of mine. They seem to want to tell everyone just how unbearably cool and and "frky" and modest (rather, "mdst") they are. Lemme give you all some useful advice: NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. Yeah, you heard me. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT IF YOU CALL YOURSELF COOL, OR HOT, OR "FREAKY", OR EVEN "THE DOCTOR OF PRANKONOMICS". YOU'RE STILL A RETARDED BUTT-MONKEY. Capisce? As if Myspace wasn't bad enough, now we've got Orkut too...

They can't even type their shit right. I'm repeating myself, I know, but still. It deserves special mention. Example:

"umm..........m nt sur wat 2 say...........im a fun-luvn gal, alwys redy 2 party wit my frendz........."

...I'm just gonna say this once: W.T.F?!? Actually, no. I'm gonna say it more than once. Because I want to, don't ask stupid questions. WTF?! It's ok to say "umm" a few times in conversation. It's alright to type it in every now and then. But "umm....m nt sur wat 2 say" is NOT alright. If you're not sure what to say, then why are you saying it? There's the bit about being a fun-loving girl, and how no one gives a rat's penis, but that's already covered.

And then there are the losers loserly (not a word? is now.) enough to try getting some action on Orkut.

"Our hroscops match, cn I meet ur prnts on snday?"

is one such relatively tame example.

"hi wanna mak frenship wit me? im gud lukng guy wit big salry wrkn in amerca and im fair n handsum"

is another classic.

Then there are those who form/join those "communities" (don't even get me started...) devoted to idiocy with a sexual twist. And, of course, they are retarded butt-monkeys as well. I'm normally an open-minded enough guy, but disagree with me on this one, and Zombie Jerry's coming out. To all those of you who think Orkut's gonna put your hand(s)/sock(s) out of business: IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN, YO. Booty "scrapping" is NOT gonna get you laid! Trust me on this one, because if it worked, I'd be using it. And since I don't use it, it must not work. So you may as well just switch your browsers over to whatever shitty porn you like, and get your hand(s) lubed up...Which they probably already are, because if you're the sort I'm talking about, you're that big a (sexually frustrated) loser. Rather, that SMALL a loser. Go back to your fantasies about your mothers, you incestuous freaks. And take your smelly tube socks with you.

Meh. Orkut has become like Myspace: it's impurity soils the immortal souls of those who gaze upon its foul visage. I have to sacrifice a dozen virgin kilobytes each time I see it, just to feel pure again. I can only hope the Irony Gods (who rule my fate) are as forgiving...

Sit down, son. I'm not done yet. I said, sit down.

But of course, the main thing that gets me is this: every now and then (read: every day I can), I go to a local internet place to play Call of Duty 2. I have the game, but my internet sucks, and that's a pretty fun game to play on a LAN. It's a damn sight better than CS, that's for sure. But I go there, and there they are, the Orkutters - hogging machines to send everyone on their list a "whr r u?", and replying to the inevitable barrages of "im here whr r u?". Or whatever the fuck the respondents reply with. I wouldn't exactly know. And then, of course, they must have a friend hunched over the keyboard with them, discussing dialogue as they attempt to hit on a girl-who's-probably-a-middle-aged-pedo, hoping to score. But we've been over that, boys; it ain't gonna happen. At the max, you'll get a few pictures of the pedo's (grand?)daughter naked. But that's about it. Of course, given how loserly these losers are, they'll probably spend all night at home on their beds, jerking their abnormally tiny wangs off to the mental image of the fully-clothed pictures of a 12-year-old they got.

That's not to say anything about the asswipes who turn their monitors away from the rest of the room and hunch over it, trying for all their little hearts to act like they're not staring at porn (LOL PR0NZ). Or Googling |actress name| nude, trying hard to wank without using their hands, lest anybody realize and try to join in. Freaks, the lot of them. Tch. It just figures they'd accumulate on Orkut. I mean, look at what happened to Myspace, what with all the goths and emo('?)s and other weirdos. And then, of course, there was Rupert Murdoch. Pity. But in any case, at least Orkutters are safe from (dirty) old man Murdoch. Their souls are owned by Google, to be used in its (hopefully nefarious) scheme to take over the world.

Now don't get me wrong - I respect the right of every man (and woman, and child, and everyone else) to watch whatever sorta porn rocks his boat. Really, I do. But when I've gotta wait an hour just to get a system because of them, well, that changes things. The worst part is that nothing - snide looks, glares, derisive shakes of the head, NOTHING - short of a good kick in the pants seems to make them get off their fugly butts, and let me get my game on. Dirty rotten no-good...*dark mutterings*

*Sighs* Oh well. If you can't beat 'em...
*Googles |actress name| nude. Slaps forehead and corrects mistake. Sigh of contentment.*




*Yes, this rant is fairly hypocritical, considering that my layout is no great shakes neither (this black one, at least), that Blogger belongs to Google, too, and that I don't really have a life myself. And that I have both a Myspace and an Orkut. But I'm Shiny and they're not, so :p, you retarded butt-monkeys.